Not the words you want to hear when you are drowning in
self-doubt. If these words had come from
the mouth of a stranger or from a social media post I probably would’ve paid no
mind to them and just went about my day.
BUT they did not and the person who spoke those words is someone who I deeply
respect. So, in that moment I stopped
myself and I thought, “Is there an ounce of belief in me for this, right here,
right now?”
Almost a year ago I attended an event at my church that was
hosted by the Imagine Foundation. The event was part fundraiser part holiday
gathering, so obviously there were prizes!
I didn’t know many of the women at the time and was very self-conscious,
so I sat in the back and tried my hardest to be invisible. Well, that plan went up in flames when I became
the winner of 2 prizes both of which nabbed quite a bit of notice. I know God was trying to get my attention that
day and I also know why: to BELIEVE. At
least that’s what the pillow I won said…
When I think about believing I often find my mind wandering
to stories of Peter Pan and flying. One
example is this scene in the Once
Upon a Time series where the character Henry is able to fly. I think it is so cool that Ironman, Peter
Pan, and Superman can all fly. I want
that superpower! And I love the pseudo-flying
feeling that comes with certain activities like riding a rollercoaster,
listening to particular songs (like Flight
by Ian Mcintosh), riding a horse, looking down and/or out into nature from a
good vantage point, driving fast with the windows down, and swinging
(especially when you lean back and close your eyes!). It’s magical, empowering, and inspiring to
imagine and believe, even for a split second, that you can fly…
Another aspect about believing I have been pondering lately is
the overwhelming amount of belief my parents had for my sisters and I when we
were little…it was unstoppable!
Sometimes it is excruciatingly painful not to be able to call them up to
hear their voices and words of support.
Even an “I love you, honey bunny…you’ll figure it out,” from my Mom
could probably pull me from my most un-believing moments. And my Dad’s never give up attitude could probably conquer the world. If I could just remember to tap into these
life-giving morsels of goodness during my moments of self-doubt I bet I’d be
unstoppable too. It’s like the whole
idea of what would we do if we knew we could never fail…SO, friends, what would
you do? And what is stopping you? I think Shawn McDonald says it well in his
song, What Are you Waiting For?
The other day my dog and I went running. We generally start out with a nice brisk walk
to warm up then go for it after crossing the first street. This time my beautiful baby boy somehow got
in front of me just as I gained speed and I quickly found myself going over him
and landing on the hard cement on the other side. It was not fun and it hurt! As I sat there I expected Kaden to come over
and lick my face, “apologize,” and help me get back up (or rather pin me down
with kisses until I laughed, couldn’t take it anymore, and somehow managed to
push him away and pull myself to a standing position). Well, that did not happen. He actually didn’t even move. I realized I had two choices: get up and keep
running OR turn around and go home. As I
sat there this feeling came over me and I decided I wasn’t just going to get up
and keep running, I was going to run even further than I had run before. I remember asking myself if I believed I
could do it or not. I realized that the
only thing holding me back from getting up was me: my belief, my mind, my
heart, me. Could I get up? Yes.
Could I run? Yes. So I did.
I believed and that was all I needed.
Not my beautiful dog saying sorry, not him running next to me, I needed
me to believe in me and just do it (okay, so my Nikes inspired me too,
apparently). I needed to have my head in
the game. So I got it there.
One of my favorite
scenes in my favorite movie, Miracle,
is when coach gets Rizzo all riled up and sort of forces him to play when he’s
hurt. Coach ignites a fire in Riszzo and
gets him to believe in himself so he can get his head back in the game, get
back on the ice, and help his team win.
It’s an AWESOME scene and an even AWESOMER movie (I’m allowed to make up
words, it’s my blog!)! Sometimes that
someone else, like coach, hits us hard enough to get our head back in the game,
but there are other moments when it’s the me, myself, and I show. In both circumstances we still have to find
that belief in ourselves.
We had a visiting pastor, Pastor Steve Penny speak a few
weeks back. During one of the times that
I heard him speak he talked about Different Spirit People. Basically he said these people believe and
know they can make a difference and he drilled down what that looks like. I am nowhere near the standard of the people
that he talked about, I have been SO belief deprived the past few years, but I
am working to move more towards those people he talked about. It’s a tough road, but I decided the best way
to go is to take it one decision/step at a time. Just like when I decided, “Alright, Madi,
you’re gonna get back up…pain, blood, and hurt pride…and you and Kaden are
going to continue running…because you believe you can.” (Pretty sure I channeled my Dad’s, “if there’s
a will, there’s a way” attitude in that moment and I’m glad I did). In that moment I was at least close to the Different
Spirit kind of person Steve Penny talked about.
And I hope and pray that I continue to strive to be more like that girl
who believed.
Back to that moment from the beginning when I had a decision
to make…what I finally decided as I sat there the other day is, “yes…yes, I do
believe!” And that was it. Plain and simple. So just as I got back up and ran further that
day after I fell over my dog, I picked myself up this time too and ran further
than I thought I could. I suppose that
makes two passes at trying to be that girl who believes and that…is a pretty
good start!
I want to leave you with 2 more thoughts and some song
choices that help me live in the BELIEVE mentality…
Good
things come to those who wait, better things come to those who don’t give up
and the best things come to those who believe—Unknown
Nothing
is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible”—Audrey Hepburn
Fire—Gavin
Degraw
I
Wanna Be Like Me—Sara Bareilles
Believe—Shawn Mendes
The Champ—Nelly
The World is Yours—Tim McMorris
Where the Light Shines Through—Switchfoot
