My Ripple Touched Yours

About two weeks ago I paid a little visit to urgent care and then to the emergency room.  At urgent care the doctor was so concerned for my well-being that he told me I needed to get myself to the hospital.  The funny thing was I had gone to urgent care assuming that nothing would be wrong and that I was just being silly, but wanted to make sure.  I thought, though I don’t have a history of it, that I was experiencing symptoms of anxiety.  For over a week I had been feeling this overwhelming pressure on my chest, like someone was standing on my sternum. I thought it was all in my head and I just needed to breath and try to relax.  I am, as many of you know, the queen of taking on too much sometimes, so symptoms of anxiety made sense to me.

So, what was really going on and why did they send me to the ER? Ever heard of Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome? Simply put it just means an additional electrical circuit in your heart that isn’t supposed to be there and can cause your heart to overwork itself.  Many folks with this condition never present symptoms and so generally do not have to undergo any sort of treatment.  Unfortunately, my time had come when I no longer fit into that category. 

The final result of my ER and urgent care visit was a trip to see a cardiologist that specializes in electrophysiology.  So two days later I found myself in that doctor’s office discussing my condition and, ultimately, planning surgery so we could correct the problem.  Now hold the phone here people the procedure is nothing like open-heart surgery or anything like that.  Check this out: catheter ablation. Pretty cool, huh?

I’d like to tell you that everything went super smooth and that I was out of the hospital and on the short road to recovery at lightning speed. Totally not the case! Before finally leaving the hospital I experienced vasovagal syncope (that’s when you see someone go pale, sway back & forth, start sweating and have their BP and heart rate drop super low), had to pee in a bed pan…3 times (boy was that fun!), laid completely flat and still for 2+ hours with a weight on my right groin (let me tell you, it does not make it easy to sleep), AND had 3 grown persons put all their weight on one side of my groin 3 times for 10 minutes each.  What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right? (Thank you, Kelly Clarkson!).

After this past stay in the hospital I have come to realize and begun to accept that being under a medical microscope, as my family puts it, is a part of my life.  I can’t run away from that, no matter how hard I try J But what I can do is let my challenges teach me and change me and share those stories of challenge with others in hopes of inspiring them to believe in in greater things in life, in themselves, and in others. 

I would never have been able to get through this trial or past trials or be where I am now without the love and support of you all.  Every single person has contributed in some way to the perpetuation of my life and I am forever thankful for that.  I have not and will not go through life alone.  You have not and will not go through life alone.  We are not passive bystanders letting life affect us, rather, we are that stone that’s thrown into the water to cause ripples that could reach someone far, far away.  So just remember that when you make choices. 

I really hope that you don’t let your challenges bring you down.  I also hope that you find the courage not to run away.  I’ve done both, and I’ve also tried adjusting my attitude and perspective and have found that the latter option, though it can be tough, is the way to go.

Lets do this, people!

Riddikulus

I’d been considering getting a dog for a good while. I had done the list of pros and cons, calculated a budget, talked with friends and family about the commitment, spoke with my landlord, planned out life with my dog….everything short of actually getting the dog (I even had a collar, toys, and doggie hiking gear). But when the time finally came to actually start looking, nothing seemed to go the way I planned.  So, after my completely futile 2 week search, I thought that maybe I needed to wait. I laugh about it now because when I decided to be patient, Kaden found me!

I remember when I first started talking about wanting a dog, one of my friends suggested I look into getting a German shepherd.  My focus, however, was on the other side of the spectrum: a cogi mix! Small, full of energy, cute, and cuddly! I was focused on a small dog because I felt that is what kind of a dog I could provide an adequate home for considering the size of my apartment. So, naturally, when my friend said German Shepherd, I was hesitant. She was right of course I could “handle” a big dog. In fact, in the history of my life we only had one small dog in our family.  Needless to say, I am beyond grateful that my friend continued to ask how my search was going and encouraged me to attend adoption events and talk to the people at the German Shepherd Rescue of Orange County(GSROC). 

It wasn’t long ago that I came home from a long Saturday and sat down for a minute to check my email before I crawled into bed.  As I read through the titles of the new emails in my inbox, I tried to subdue the excitement shooting through my veins when I saw one from the rescue.  The email stated that there was an opportunity the next morning to meet one of their dogs who needed a foster home. He had been put up in a kennel and really needed a change of scenery and would benefit greatly from some TLC in a home.  I honestly thought, “is this real life? I totally must be dreaming!”.  OF COURSE I WANT TO MEET KADEN! (I was much more professional than that in my email reply, of course).  So early the next morning I set out to meet with Kaden and a volunteer from the GSROC; when they brought my sweet baby boy out to meet me, he bypassed his volunteer friends and came straight to me.  

I think that I knew at that moment that I wouldn’t be able to let him go, but I did the responsible thing and put off making the decision for as long as I could.  By Friday of that week, I couldn’t find a reason not to permanently welcome Kaden as a part of my family.  The next day I made my decision official and began the journey of parenting my very handsome rescue dog. 

Hours after welcoming Kaden home and letting my decision settle in, we encountered our first major test.  While at a friend’s house doing some school-work, Kaden showed us all how he vocalized his state of being uncomfortable.  Yes, folks, Kaden growled.  I immediately allowed my mind to rush all the way to panic mode.  In fact, I could probably paint a pretty vivid picture of what irrational and totally ridiculous thoughts raced through my mind within a few hours of this happening that are just that: irrational and ridiculous.  Think Harry Potter and those nasty boggarts.  Or you can watch it here.  Interesting the spell they use to reverse their wildest fears: riddikulus. Sounds a lot like ridiculous…which is exactly my point!

A few days after this little incident my Mom asked me to tell her what the worst-case scenario could be of my situation.  I told her that Kaden could viciously attack someone and it would be all my responsibility.  “RIDDIKULUS” she said (well she said ridiculous, but you get my point).  She also told me that I’d still be living and that of all people she and I both knew that I could get through it and I’d still come out all right in the end. 

I believe that I am a person that can blow things out of proportion.  It’s a part of me that I am working on.  I’m not sure why I do it but I go from minor blip in life to catastrophic event in 0 to 60 seconds sometimes.  Perhaps it has something to do with my life journey thus far, I don’t know.  But what I can tell you is this: think RIDDIKULUS.  Have a fear, like Ronald Weasley and those pesky spiders…RIDDIKULUS! Your dog just exhibited a nasty behavior habit….RIDDIKULUS! What about those financial problems and the stressful environment at work…RIDDIKULUS!

I know problems don’t go away that quickly, but it provides you with a new perspective that can change your attitude and your life! I’m all about that.

You might be wondering about my precious boy, Kaden.  He’s doing good! He knows I’m the leader of the pack and he’s a very good listener.  He’s made friends with anyone he has been uncomfortable around  thus far and he’s becoming an even more well-behaved, well-loved, handsome gentleman each day.  If you know dogs, you know they are always a work in progress.  Just like us!