Together we are Independent

“Get er done” is a common phrase I heard growing up.  And sometimes when my sisters and I stopped and looked around, we were the only ones left to “get er done.”

Up until the time that I was 23 or 24 I thought that being independent was the ultimate goal.  You are the one designated to “Get er done.” You, and only you.  But, I had also convinced myself that I wanted to do everything myself.  I would go so far as to decide to let someone get me a drink, leave right after them, find a shorter path and get both of our drinks and come back before they knew what hit them. Being independent and dependent on no one had become my second nature. 

That is, until I had no choice but to rely on someone other than me.  I can think of specific memories when these times came about, but it wasn’t until when I had heart surgery that I truly valued and believed that life isn’t meant to be done alone.

I remember the feeling that I had lying in a hospital bed at 2am in the morning, crying.  My sister had come all the way from northern California to take care of me when I had heart surgery, but the people at the hospital wouldn’t let her stay.  It made me feel so alone, but I didn’t let anyone know.  I honestly just wanted someone to sit there with me, but I was so focused on “being strong” that I told her it was okay that she left the first time they stated that visiting hours were over.    

I want to stop treating independence as a goal and start recognizing that letting others help and leaning on them is okay.  Not in an unhealthy way, but knowing that I’m not alone, that you’re not alone.  Listen to this Marie Miller song, she knows what she is talking about.

While I was lying in the hospital bed waiting for the doctors to fix my heart and write off being a victim of Wolff-Parkinson White Syndrome, I relied on a great many people.  And without hesitation, I put my ultimate success in earning my Master’s degree in Higher Education in those same hands (yes, I still have a year, but I wouldn’t have gotten here, nor where I am going without them).  My friend who took care of my precious baby, Kaden, my supervisor who helped me take care of my work duties without having to worry, my friends who supported me emotionally and in prayer and supplication, my family who would have or did drop everything to be with me, and many more who simply said “you can do this.”  I wouldn’t be here without all of you.

This may have been the first time that I recognized, honored, and pursued the idea that I couldn’t do life by myself, but it is NOT the first time that I did life with others. 

Yes, we can change the world.  And I believe we can do that simply by changing our thinking.  However, folks helped us get there.  Folks help us go further.  We, are all in this TOGETHER.  High School Musical, anyone? I’m not a big fan, but I hear they do a solid rendition of a song that has the same basic idea behind it…Yep, here it is! Get it Zac Efron!!!

Our actions, behaviors, attitude, etc. have all been shaped by those who we have surrounded ourselves by in our lives.  That includes our family, friends, relatives, colleagues, the media, etc. 

I have begun to understand that these things that we are surrounded by should not be taken lightly.  These things, folks, are who and what we rely on, on what makes us not so independent.  We are what we eat.  We are what we believe.  We are what we allow to influence us.  We are what we allow to consume our thoughts. 

So the question that I ask myself is: Am I making good choices? Are you making good choices? 

Walking by Faith

The word love makes me think of the Beatles song, All You Need is Love.  I blame it on my parents.  Their choice of music while I was growing up in their home was AMAZING!  Thanks to them my sisters and I are able to appreciate a small amount of music that is incomparable to the tunes we listen to these days. 

So all you need is love…right?  Well, that’s not what Maslow thinks.  He says our basic needs are physiological and has this whole pyramid to show what motivates people.  It’s a very interesting concept and I believe there is some truth to what he says. 

I think that I do desire food and clothing and a roof over my head.  But I think about people all over the world who don’t have that.  If we open our eyes these situations are all around us AND the very people in those situations are living.  We even see them smiling and running and bubbling with life.  India Arie wrote this song “There’s Hope” and she talks about this man in her song.  She talks about how he sees things and how that changed her.  “There’s hope, it doesn’t cost a thing to smile, you don’t have to pay to laugh…keep shining your light, show the world your smile.”

I believe in God and I believe that there are 3 very important things in this life that can trump what we believe to be our basic needs.  Faith, hope, and love. 

When I was in high school I was part of this program, A.W.A.N.A. During my time in that program I was supposed to memorize versus from the Bible.  Well, one year I was responsible for knowing 1 Corinthians 13…yes, the whole thing!  While the main reason was for purposes of exceling in a tournament, the impact of one of those versus reached a far greater depth in my heart.  1 Corinthians 13:13 says, “And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.”

I have known a great many people and have had experiences myself where planned events were organized to benefit a specific population of people who had this need we were designated to fill.  When I ponder my own experiences and the stories of others that I know surrounding these experiences I see that the greatest impacts we had went far beyond fulfilling that need. 

Of course we need oxygen and water and food, and that is physiological, but…all these miraculous stories we hear and bear witness to about folks who decided not to give up;  it’s because they had faith in something that they loved and so they had hope for the future; same way with folks who are “terminally” ill. 

Think about the scene in Peter Pan when he proclaims his belief in fairies (“I do believe in fairies, I do, I do” then Tink comes back to life).

I think that sometimes our bodies do fail, but I believe there is something bigger.  I think about my own experiences.  How when I was little doctors did not expect me to live.  They told my parents that there would be a 5% chance of me surviving my the cancer I had.  I was 18 months old.  Obviously I am still alive AND kicking major ass. 

Sometimes things just don’t make sense, but someone believed, loved, hoped, faithed-in something far greater.  And look, that something greater came to pass.  Will you choose to believe despite the circumstances?  I dare you!

Forgiveness has many layers....like an ogre!

I’ve been trying to write this blog for awhile.  I’ve erased and started over several times.  I knew I wanted to write about forgiveness, but I didn’t know what I wanted to say. 

I personally don’t really believe that those crazy things that seem to happen out of nowhere are simply coincidences.  I think that coincidences happen for a reason and that there is a Higher Power involved.  I would even go to say that it’s not a coincidence at all, simply because that implies that there didn’t seem to be an intention behind the situation.  I think that there is intention, maybe not by the persons involved, but by something far greater.  So that being said, I don’t think it was a coincidence that I’ve been thinking about writing about forgiveness for about 2 weeks and then today the message I heard in church talked about forgiveness.

You either forgive or you don’t.  It’s a choice.  You hold the gavel and have the power to make that decision.  What is more, you live with the choice that you made.  Often times this involves more persons that just you, so therein lays a sense of responsibility as well. 

 It’s funny, isn’t it, how our lives aren’t just about us?

Sometimes forgiveness is simple.  Sometimes forgiveness is this onion with many layers.  Shrek anyone?  Most of the time I feel like it is the latter. Perhaps this is because I think a lot…okay, okay OVERANALYZE :D

In my heart, and sometimes it takes YEARS, I tend to focus on the forgiving versus unforgiving decision for any and all situations.  I don’t like what anger and frustration and bitterness and hate do to me.  And I think that not forgiving someone can make it easier for those types of emotions and feelings to germinate inside of someone’s heart.  SO, I do my best to seek truth in my heart, and even if I don’t tell someone that I forgive them, I make an effort to acknowledge that decision in my own heart and life. 

Forgiveness can take time.

When I was 12 my dad passed away due to complications with cancer.  The morning that he died, my mom asked me to call an ambulance.  For some reason I have it in my memory that I told her “no” and that it was because I would be late for school.  At the time, I was not aware of how sick my father was; He’d taken many trips to the hospital and this seemed no different. My dad passed away that morning.  For years I convinced myself that it was my fault that he died. 

Obviously, this was not my fault. But I didn’t understand that at the time and it was probably one of the hardest things to forgive myself.  Well, not long after I forgave myself I got mad at my dad, as if it was his fault for getting cancer.  Because we all know you have a choice as to whether or not you get cancer, right?  :P  After realizing it wasn’t my dad’s fault and forgiving him for not continuing on in years on this earth, I got mad at God.  Then I forgave God.  Then I got mad at myself, again, because I realized how ridiculous this all was.  And I have to say, I think forgiving myself was the hardest part.  BUT, I did it…both times!  

It’s interesting forgiveness.  Sometimes what we are holding against someone or ourselves or God is not the reality at all, but it is the truth that we see.  And sometimes, we just need to go through that journey in order to grow and mature. 

Harboring hate and unrest and bitterness and those grimy words associated with bad things is awful.  There is freedom and it’s not far away.  Don’t be afraid to explore forgiveness.  It will set you free!  Check this out!