I’ve been trying to write
this blog for awhile. I’ve erased and
started over several times. I knew I
wanted to write about forgiveness, but I didn’t know what I wanted to say.
I personally don’t really
believe that those crazy things that seem to happen out of nowhere are simply
coincidences. I think that coincidences
happen for a reason and that there is a Higher Power involved. I would even go to say that it’s not a
coincidence at all, simply because that implies that there didn’t seem to be an
intention behind the situation. I think
that there is intention, maybe not by the persons involved, but by something far
greater. So that being said, I don’t
think it was a coincidence that I’ve been thinking about writing about
forgiveness for about 2 weeks and then today the message I heard in church
talked about forgiveness.
You either forgive or you
don’t. It’s a choice. You hold the gavel and have the power to make
that decision. What is more, you live
with the choice that you made. Often
times this involves more persons that just you, so therein lays a sense of
responsibility as well.
It’s funny, isn’t it, how our lives aren’t
just about us?
Sometimes forgiveness is
simple. Sometimes forgiveness is this
onion with many layers. Shrek anyone? Most of the time I feel like it is the latter.
Perhaps this is because I think a lot…okay, okay OVERANALYZE :D
In my heart, and
sometimes it takes YEARS, I tend to focus on the forgiving versus unforgiving decision
for any and all situations. I don’t like
what anger and frustration and bitterness and hate do to me. And I think that not forgiving someone can
make it easier for those types of emotions and feelings to germinate inside of
someone’s heart. SO, I do my best to
seek truth in my heart, and even if I don’t tell someone that I forgive them, I
make an effort to acknowledge that decision in my own heart and life.
Forgiveness can take
time.
When I was 12 my dad
passed away due to complications with cancer.
The morning that he died, my mom asked me to call an ambulance. For some reason I have it in my memory that I
told her “no” and that it was because I would be late for school. At the time, I was not aware of how sick my
father was; He’d taken many trips to the hospital and this seemed no different.
My dad passed away that morning. For
years I convinced myself that it was my fault that he died.
Obviously, this was not
my fault. But I didn’t understand that at the time and it was probably one of
the hardest things to forgive myself. Well,
not long after I forgave myself I got mad at my dad, as if it was his fault for
getting cancer. Because we all know you
have a choice as to whether or not you get cancer, right? :P After
realizing it wasn’t my dad’s fault and forgiving him for not continuing on in
years on this earth, I got mad at God.
Then I forgave God. Then I got
mad at myself, again, because I realized how ridiculous this all was. And I have to say, I think forgiving myself
was the hardest part. BUT, I did it…both
times!
It’s interesting
forgiveness. Sometimes what we are
holding against someone or ourselves or God is not the reality at all, but it
is the truth that we see. And sometimes,
we just need to go through that journey in order to grow and mature.
Harboring hate and unrest
and bitterness and those grimy words associated with bad things is awful. There is freedom and it’s not far away. Don’t be afraid to explore forgiveness. It will set you free! Check
this out!
