When I was in highschool I traveled to Mazatlan, Sinaola in Mexico
to deliver wheelchairs to people who couldn’t afford them with the Interact
Club (a volunteer organization in high schools sponsored by local Rotary
chapters). The trip was interesting. Interesting because I feel like I spent more
time protecting the longevity of my life (a.k.a fearing for my life) than I did
helping others (which is what I thought I was going there to do). This was definitely not something I expected,
BUT during the times when I was helping others I was truly humbled and moved. The trip woke me up, in a sense, and changed
my life. To this day I am surprised how
much I remember about the trip given the fact that I don’t have any pictures or
real mementos from any of the experiences while I was there. On one day t in particular I remember playing
soccer with some kiddos who were half my size and couldn’t help but laugh with
me as we all realized how horrible I was at kicking a ball around (I guess
playing soccer in grade school didn’t pay off).
It was great and we had a blast!
And although I can’t remember all the details about the ceremony where
folks received wheelchairs, I know they appreciated them and it changed their
life just as much as it changed mine.
Okay, so what about those life fearing experiences? Well, I managed to lose my ID on the way to
Mexico and wasn’t sure how I was going to get back in the county, took a REALLY
bad fall in the Mazatlan airport on the way back (I had a new “ID” by then…long
story…good thing I wasn’t officially an adult yet) and almost made all of us miss
our flight, had a stare down, stand off with a massive wild black iguana that I
swear had every intention of taking me down (it never actually moved from where
it was at. In my defense, however, I’d
only ever seen green iguanas half it’s size in a glass case at a pet store AND,
and…NO ONE warned me about these real life monsters before I ventured out on my
own to find out where to exchange my money in the marketplace…yah I know that
was a mistake too), took the ride of my life in a taxi (that had no doors,
looked like a golf cart and was driven by a guy who didn’t have a license and
didn’t obey any of the road laws, mainly because no one enforced them), was
offered way too much alcohol by waiters who cared more about the fact that we
were American and therefore tipped well than they cared about keeping track of
how much food and drinks we actually did order or even if we were of age to be
drinking, AND then, then there was the almost drowning incident.
Our hotel was located right on the beach. It was beautiful! I’m not sure it’s possible to replicate the
incredibly breath-taking color of the ocean or how peaceful it was there; It
was something straight out of one’s imagination, only it wasn’t made up. Up to that point, I’d had very little
interactions with the ocean and knew nothing about wave behavior. Yes, I’d seen my sister be enveloped by a
massive wave in Half Moon Bay (a place notorious for big waves) one time
before, but the waves outside of our hotel were tiny and seemed harmless. So, I put on my suit and waded out into the
waves with my friends to catch some waves.
They gave me instructions about how to wave dive and suggested, since I
was so tiny, to dive under most of them.
I felt pretty confident after a few and perhaps let my ego take over more
than I should have. Soon enough in came
this pretty big wave and I’m like, “I got this!” Unfortunately, I realized a little too late
how powerful the wave was and got pulled into this nasty tunnel of water. I was thrashed about, deprived of air for too
long, and spit out onto the beautiful sandy seashore right outside the hotel
bar. Remarkably no one seemed to notice
and after picking up my pride and catching my breath I managed to walk away pretty
much unscathed.
This picture is one I use to represent what happens when one
gets hit with a new truth that wakes you up and gives you a new perspective
that you didn’t expect. In the end you
are given a choice: change and more forward or hide, act like nothing happen
(or worse run from the pain), and keep running the same circles. Think Raifiki
hitting Simba over the head and Mulan
proving herself as a soldier.
When I was 9 my parents surprised me with horse riding
lessons. I was OVER THE MOON excited! I still love horses (even more than dogs and
moose) and will be forever grateful for the 7 years of instruction my parents
and I invested our money, blood, sweat and tears into. I remember learning about how horses sense
fear in a eye-opening sort of way one day on an ornery and stubborn horse named
Muffin. In general, I never looked
forward to riding Muffin and knew I was in for a real treat whenever she and I
were partnered together. And I know, and
I suppose am grateful to my trainer who did this on purpose because she knew I needed
to learn to be comfortable and confident of my skills and abilities on any
horse in any situation. SO we get out there on this particular day and Muffin
started to test me on the canter (think running). Unfortunately, I lost it and Muffin’s nice
canter turns into a semi-gallop. I know
I tried to slow her down and remain calm, but my foot got stuck (because my
heels weren’t down and my form had completely fallen apart). Soon enough I was slipping, the saddle was
slipping, and Muffin is just going with no indication of slowing down. Don’t know if you’ve ever seen the underbelly
of a horse while going nearly full speed but I can tell you that you do not
want to! Eventually I managed to get my
foot unstuck but not without Muffin leaving a nice hoof print on my chest. Ouch!
I’m certain my trainer created this type of a situation to
push me and see just how serious I was about riding (side note: she never
intended that to happen necessarily, but, rather, knew Muffin was the horse to
help me get my head on straight). I’d
seen so many people quit once they found out how much work, responsibility, and
dedication it took to be a competitive rider (especially during the dreadfully
cold Indiana winters). On that
particular day, just like the day at the ocean and Mulan and Simba’s
situations, I had a choice or some choices to make: get back on the horse, keep
moving, and work harder or don’t. It
really was that simple. You all probably
know I got back on Muffin. I was
embarrassed, sore, and feeling extremely defeated, but I did get back on.
As soon as something happens to us and we move into the
future that moment behind us, those moments behind us, become the past. In the little snippet with Raifiki and Simba
he says something to the effect of having a choice to run from the past or learn
from it. And with Mulan she almost gets
thrown out after working so hard. In
both these situations and in my own two examples I could either learn and
change or hide…take what I’d learned and do something with it or try to act
like it never happened and bury it/run away.
The truth, however, is we can’t outrun who or what has
impacted our lives. It will eventually
catch up with us or peak out of the piles of things we use to bury it. We can give it our best shot and we can do
things that temporarily band-aid the things or people we wish we could run from
or cover up, but those solutions are always TEMPORARY. We’ve got to train ourselves to accept the
truth/reality and commit to changing our future direction if we want to change.
This past year has been filled with a handful of these
eye-opening experiences that have sent my life in a direction I didn’t expect.
I have found myself heartbroken and beaten up.
Beaten up by the awful things I said to myself about how I’d screwed up
and should have done things differently.
Heartbroken because I set an expectation on a situation and/or on
someone that wasn’t realistic. AND,
folks, I’ve found myself stronger. And
Mulan and Simba and young Madison…they found themselves stronger too…stronger
because they had the courage to do something, to make a change, to move
forward.
I think one of the key factors, for me, in recognizing these
moments is how embarrassing the whole situation can seem. Do you remember in Mulan when they discover
that she is a woman? I’m pretty sure I
cried during that scene. I thought
“that’s it, she’s finished.” Folks, I
was wrong! And if you think
embarrassment or fear or someone choosing not to forgive you or you battling
with not being able to figure out how to forgive yourself and/or move on is
it…YOU ARE WRONG!
One of my favorite flowers…which is really a weed,
actually…is the Morning Glory. Did you
know it blooms new every morning? EVERY
MORNING! Do you know how much energy,
nutrients, and life it takes to bloom new every day…every day?!?! A LOT!
So when you’re down and out, like I have been a lot this past year,
remember that you can start fresh tomorrow, just like the morning glory. You have got what it takes even when your
team or the horse or the wave or life seems to be working against you. You do!
I believe in you!
So next time that wave comes in to try and take you under
and make your light stay hidden don’t you let it! You can make a change, you can start
new! Take courage and have confidence
that those experiences behind you prepared you for what is to come. Know that screwing up and learning and
becoming stronger because of what you have faced creates something beautiful
(or handsome), priceless and invaluable: you.
I insist…and I am saying this for me too…don’t give up. I can’t say that it gets easier to keep
moving along, but you will get stronger if you give up burying and hiding.
I am reading a book called Circle Maker. The book talks
about praying through and digging your heels in when believing in our biggest
dreams and walking though our biggest fears with God. It talks about not giving up and expecting Him
to do something beyond our capacity to understand. When I was younger I was taught to pray from
a place of victory…like God had already won.
This book reminded me of that. It
ignited things inside that have been burning out and were almost extinguished
altogether. I recommend it as a source
of challenge and inspiration.
I’m really believing for me and for you that great things
are just steps away for us this year and in the future. We have got to do our part, believe, and if
you pray (which I encourage you to do), pray HARD. Make changes, work hard and don’t give
up. Let’s do this!
